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The Not-So-Teenybopper Fans - Page One
July 2001
Or, "What I Did on My Summer Vacation, Part III"…

Oh yeah… there's LOTS more!

Once Cyndi had left for Parts Midwest, Kelly and I geared up for the next round of fun:  the *NSync Concert!

Behold…and beware the Dorkiness!


Monday, July 23, 2001

(Kelly:)
After watching requisite BH9 reruns, Dwanollah and I went to Westside Pavilion, in The Ongoing Quest For Barbie Stuff. K*B Toys provided an excellent selection, despite the horrid in-store "music" (read: gratuitous self-promoting tripe) and annoying children/moms crowding the Barbie aisle, and I fell in love with a big plush Totoro at a Japanese toy store. And then it was on to Claire's. We stocked up - with GREAT gusto - on *NSync gear for the following night's show. I got a kickass "silver" necklace with a fat (that's fat, not phat) chain and *NSync logo. Yah! Dwanollah got a teeny viewmastery-thingy on a chain: you look inside a little hole and there's Dreamy Justin smiling at you!!! The clerk was awesome and helped us find all sorts of goofy shit and we had a bitchen time. Dwanollah also got a Cheesewad Boy Band $1 CD sampler. And then, at-- can't remember the name of the store!-- Dwanollah procured theVery Important Necklace: a large ball-chain choker with a great big tacky heart charm that says *NSync RULES! Oh yes, feel the cheese, it's a-meltin'...

(Dwanollah:)
Spencer's Gifts, wasn't it? Yeah, we was in Edgy Mall Heaven, huh? :)


(Kelly:)
After looking for more Barbie stuff at some other toy stores, we nipped by the house before heading out to Universal Studios Citywalk to see THE *NSYNC IMAX MOVIE!!!! Dwanollah took pics of me clowning beneath the big banners outside the theatres. Got some cinnamon-sugared Wetzel's Pretzels Bitz.

And then...we Experienced…*NSync: Larger Than Live'- which was sheer cinematic genius. *snicker* I had a grand time contributing Audience Participation (shrieking, repeating, singing, dancing, waving arms, doing-- tres ineptly-- the dances). Dwanollah totally chickened out (the punk!)-- not only did she not Audiencely Participate with me, she had the nerve to give me the "Are You Insane? look". Dwanollah actually PULLED AWAY from me, in her chair, as if she didn't want people to think she was WITH me! Can you believe that shit?? Puss.

(Dwanollah:)
I was convinced we were gonna get thrown out! Didn't stop me from having Hysterical Laughter, though! "When I say 'N' you say 'Sync'...!"

(Kelly:)
N! SYNC! N! SYNC!! *rockin' out*

(Dwanollah:)
GAWD! And I didn't just pull away... I even MOVED SEATS! :)) TOTAL wussy, me!

(Kelly:)
As we exited the theatre, I spotted the last moments of someone having a pic taken with a guy who then walked away...and upon closer scrutiny, I realised the fella was none other than KEANU FUCKING REEVES (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), and wailed at Dwanollah to hurry up and catch up so's to hopefully get a pic with Keenoo (as I like to call him, and YES I know his name is really pronounced 'kee-ah-noo')...but Dwanie was sorta stymied by a group of tourists who were behind me (I was behind Keanu, and nearing him by the second). A male tourist asked Keanu for an autograph, but Keanu (noticing the growing crowd following him) declined and, turning back round, kept walking.

You know, I honestly can't remember what he was wearing, other than that it was trousers, a white tee, and a jacket, and he was carrying a black motorcycle helmet.

(Dwanollah:)
Yup... and a red or rust shirt. He was polishing his helmet! (*gales of juvenile laughter*) And he was VERY scruffy-looking. ("Who's scruffy-lookin'?")

(Kelly:)
And he so was not! He was totally clean, trim, no facial hair. (say it with me, YUM!!) His hair was FLUFFY, not scruffy.

I, hellbent on Not Letting Keanu Get Away, quickened my pace and caught up to Keanu, walking beside him (like a foot away), on his left. I had no idea what I would say, as I opened my mouth-- I only knew that I HAD to talk to him. (Why? Because I'm a fuckwit. Because I wanted to be able to say "I talked to Keanu Reeves." Gah!) I hoped my usual Clever Effervescent Wit And Charm Around Celebrities would do its thing. Smooth Celebrity Mojo, don't fail me now!

(Dwanollah:)
Kelly's Celebrity Mojo-juju! Whooo! She ROOLS! Her tacos RAWK! Seriously, give her two minutes, and she can have musicians and movie stars all being her New Best Friend. I've seen her do it, often. Go Kelly! Go Kelly!

(Kelly:)
"Hullo," I said, smiling at Keanu as we walked.

"Hullo," said Keanu, looking at me not unkindly.

And then I said:

"When our friend e.Beth hears that we saw you today, she is going to shriek into the phone."

(as I sit typing this, a full two months after the event, I can tell you, this story does not get easier with every telling, I just sound stupider and stupider each time.)

In the split second it took for the words to slip out of my mouth, I could feel the color rising in my cheeks, and I realised...I had nothing to say to Keanu Reeves.

Groo.

Keanu's response to my shatteringly quick-witted comment?

"Oh."

*grimace*

The look on his face was one of pity and slight befuddlement. It was the look a Duran might have given a puppy-love-struck, 12-year-old, spotty, unattractive Duranie, back in the day. It was a look that said "God, some fans are pathetic." I was crushed. Tail between legs, I limped back to Dwanie, while Keanu walked on ahead and ducked into a restaurant, a few tourists still in tow. I spent the next few hours (no joke) fluctuating between feeling completely Lame and being Totally Pissed Off At Keanu for not having done anything to help me out of my Pit Of Loserliness/Mortification.

(Dwanollah:)
True! She quizzed various store clerks. "Has Keanu Reeves ever been in here? Was he a jerk to you too?"

(Kelly:)
I did not!!

(Dwanollah:)
Did SO! Don't blame you! But, y'all...she was relentless. At one point, I thought she was gonna seek him out again and give him the bidness for being such an Ass.*I* think he was just being Keanu... vacant, dull, no personality, and dumb as dirt, not to mention full of himself. But I certainly ain't no Keenu fan...'specially not now! Dink. Knob. Pinhead. Wiener.

(Kelly:)
I was extra bummed about the Encounter because I knew it would not go very far in raising Dwanollah's opinion of Mr. Reeves. (who is NOT vacant or dull or dumb, shut up, Stupid Dwanie Garbage Face!!) And I was wearing a neck brace, for gods' sake! (long story-- I was fighting a virus that affected my equilibrium and keeping my head still was crucial.) Would it have killed Keenoo to have, say, enquired as to my health and well-being, and perhaps offered to take me and my friend Dwanollah to lunch, and, like, maybe fed me some strawberry jello with whipped cream or something? Would it really have been asking too much, d'ya think? *huff*

(Dwanollah:)
*snicker* As if I'da gone anyway.... HATE Keenu! REPULSIVE! Blech! Blech! Phooey!

(Kelly:)
Oh right, like you'd have been invited; I was just being polite. Stupidhead. ;)

(Dwanollah:)
After the Keenu Debacle, we drove around Hollyweird so's Kelly could take pictures of Pee-Wee Herman's Star [on the Walk of Fame], and then we tried to get Kel's film from the Missing Persons shows developed at Rite-Aid's one-hour place whilst hitting yet another Toys 'R Us and Target--

(Kelly:)
—for Barbies.

(Dwanollah:)
…and after the requisite hour, we were informed by the oh-so-unhelpful asshole at Rite-Aid that "Oh, the one-hour developing closes at 6." Well, THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO WHEN WE TURNED IT IN AND SAID 'ONE HOUR DEVELOPING PLEASE." AND "SEE YOU IN AN HOUR"?!?

(Kelly:)
Dumphux.

(Dwanollah:)
Then we came home and went to bed fairly early. We needed sleep, because tomorrow was the *NSync show!

(Kelly:)
My best friend Crissy, who has Connections, was getting us free tickets to the Rose Bowl gig. Wahoozee!


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