yeah… there's LOTS more!
Once Cyndi had left for Parts Midwest, Kelly and I geared
up for the next round of fun: the *NSync Concert!
Behold…and beware the Dorkiness!
Monday, July 23, 2001
After watching requisite BH9 reruns, Dwanollah and I went
to Westside Pavilion,
in The Ongoing Quest For Barbie Stuff. K*B Toys provided an
excellent selection, despite the horrid in-store "music"
(read: gratuitous self-promoting tripe) and annoying children/moms
crowding the Barbie aisle, and I fell in love with a big plush
Totoro at a Japanese toy store. And then it was on to Claire's.
We stocked up - with GREAT gusto - on *NSync gear for the
following night's show. I got a kickass "silver"
necklace with a fat (that's fat, not phat) chain and *NSync
logo. Yah! Dwanollah got a teeny viewmastery-thingy on a chain:
you look inside a little hole and there's Dreamy Justin smiling
at you!!! The clerk was awesome and helped us find all sorts
of goofy shit and we had a bitchen time. Dwanollah also got
a Cheesewad Boy Band $1 CD sampler. And then, at-- can't remember
the name of the store!-- Dwanollah procured theVery Important
Necklace: a large ball-chain choker with a great big tacky
heart charm that says *NSync RULES! Oh yes, feel the cheese,
wasn't it? Yeah, we was in Edgy Mall Heaven, huh? :)
After looking for more Barbie stuff at some other toy stores,
we nipped by the house before heading out to Universal
Studios Citywalk to see THE *NSYNC IMAX MOVIE!!!! Dwanollah
took pics of me clowning beneath the big banners outside the
theatres. Got some cinnamon-sugared Wetzel's Pretzels Bitz.
And then...we Experienced…*NSync: Larger Than Live'- which
was sheer cinematic genius. *snicker* I had a grand time contributing
Audience Participation (shrieking, repeating, singing, dancing,
waving arms, doing-- tres ineptly-- the dances). Dwanollah
totally chickened out (the punk!)-- not only did she not Audiencely
Participate with me, she had the nerve to give me the "Are
You Insane? look". Dwanollah actually PULLED AWAY from
me, in her chair, as if she didn't want people to think she
was WITH me! Can you believe that shit?? Puss.
I was convinced we were gonna get thrown out! Didn't stop
me from having Hysterical Laughter, though! "When I say
'N' you say 'Sync'...!"
N! SYNC! N! SYNC!! *rockin' out*
GAWD! And I didn't just pull away... I even MOVED SEATS! :))
TOTAL wussy, me!
As we exited the theatre, I spotted the last moments of someone
having a pic taken with a guy who then walked away...and upon
closer scrutiny, I realised the fella was none other than
KEANU FUCKING REEVES (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), and wailed at Dwanollah
to hurry up and catch up so's to hopefully get a pic with
Keenoo (as I like to call him, and YES I know his name is
really pronounced 'kee-ah-noo')...but Dwanie was sorta stymied
by a group of tourists who were behind me (I was behind Keanu,
and nearing him by the second). A male tourist asked Keanu
for an autograph, but Keanu (noticing the growing crowd following
him) declined and, turning back round, kept walking.
You know, I honestly can't remember what he was wearing,
other than that it was trousers, a white tee, and a jacket,
and he was carrying a black motorcycle helmet.
Yup... and a red or rust shirt. He was polishing his helmet!
(*gales of juvenile laughter*) And he was VERY scruffy-looking.
And he so was not! He was totally clean, trim, no facial hair.
(say it with me, YUM!!) His hair was FLUFFY, not scruffy.
I, hellbent on Not Letting Keanu Get Away, quickened my pace
and caught up to Keanu, walking beside him (like a foot away),
on his left. I had no idea what I would say, as I opened my
mouth-- I only knew that I HAD to talk to him. (Why? Because
I'm a fuckwit. Because I wanted to be able to say "I
talked to Keanu Reeves." Gah!) I hoped my usual Clever
Effervescent Wit And Charm Around Celebrities would do its
thing. Smooth Celebrity Mojo, don't fail me now!
Kelly's Celebrity Mojo-juju! Whooo! She ROOLS! Her tacos RAWK!
Seriously, give her two minutes, and she can have musicians
and movie stars all being her New Best Friend. I've seen her
do it, often. Go Kelly! Go Kelly!
"Hullo," I said, smiling at Keanu as we walked.
"Hullo," said Keanu, looking at me not unkindly.
And then I said:
"When our friend e.Beth hears that we saw you today,
she is going to shriek into the phone."
(as I sit typing this, a full two months after the event,
I can tell you, this story does not get easier with every
telling, I just sound stupider and stupider each time.)
In the split second it took for the words to slip out of
my mouth, I could feel the color rising in my cheeks, and
I realised...I had nothing to say to Keanu Reeves.
Keanu's response to my shatteringly quick-witted comment?
The look on his face was one of pity and slight befuddlement.
It was the look a Duran might have given a puppy-love-struck,
12-year-old, spotty, unattractive Duranie, back in the day.
It was a look that said "God, some fans are pathetic."
I was crushed. Tail between legs, I limped back to Dwanie,
while Keanu walked on ahead and ducked into a restaurant,
a few tourists still in tow. I spent the next few hours (no
joke) fluctuating between feeling completely Lame and being
Totally Pissed Off At Keanu for not having done anything to
help me out of my Pit Of Loserliness/Mortification.
True! She quizzed various store clerks. "Has Keanu Reeves
ever been in here? Was he a jerk to you too?"
I did not!!
Did SO! Don't blame you! But, y'all...she was relentless.
At one point, I thought she was gonna seek him out again and
give him the bidness for being such an Ass.*I* think he was
just being Keanu... vacant, dull, no personality, and dumb
as dirt, not to mention full of himself. But I certainly ain't
no Keenu fan...'specially not now! Dink. Knob. Pinhead. Wiener.
I was extra bummed about the Encounter because I knew it would
not go very far in raising Dwanollah's opinion of Mr. Reeves.
(who is NOT vacant or dull or dumb, shut up, Stupid Dwanie
Garbage Face!!) And I was wearing a neck brace, for gods'
sake! (long story-- I was fighting a virus that affected my
equilibrium and keeping my head still was crucial.) Would
it have killed Keenoo to have, say, enquired as to my health
and well-being, and perhaps offered to take me and my friend
Dwanollah to lunch, and, like, maybe fed me some strawberry
jello with whipped cream or something? Would it really have
been asking too much, d'ya think? *huff*
*snicker* As if I'da gone anyway.... HATE Keenu! REPULSIVE!
Blech! Blech! Phooey!
Oh right, like you'd have been invited; I was just being polite.
After the Keenu Debacle, we drove around Hollyweird so's Kelly
could take pictures of Pee-Wee Herman's Star [on the Walk
of Fame], and then we tried to get Kel's film from the Missing
Persons shows developed at Rite-Aid's one-hour place whilst
hitting yet another Toys 'R Us and Target--
…and after the requisite hour, we were informed by the oh-so-unhelpful
asshole at Rite-Aid that "Oh, the one-hour developing
closes at 6." Well, THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO WHEN WE
TURNED IT IN AND SAID 'ONE HOUR DEVELOPING PLEASE." AND
"SEE YOU IN AN HOUR"?!?
Then we came home and went to bed fairly early. We needed
sleep, because tomorrow was the *NSync show!
My best friend Crissy, who has Connections, was getting us
free tickets to the Rose Bowl gig. Wahoozee!