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The Not-So-Teenybopper Fans - Page FOUR
July 2001
Or, "What I Did on My Summer Vacation, Part III"…

(Dwanollah:)
Crissy and her friend Chris finally showed up, so there was Gooning and Hugging and Greeting. It turned out that the guy beside us was Brian, Chris Kirkpatrick's Best Friend, who was really nice and kewl. Crissy'NChris are friends with Chris K, so Brian knew them and came over to say hi.

Then, at long, long last, the countdown on the screen reached zero, and the Festivities began!

Dude.

There were lasers...there were wildly flashing colored lights...there were smoke machines...there were exploding things...and right in front of us, on the bump-outs, rising up on platforms, were five hooded figures, like giant Jawas- RIGHT THERE.

Of course, thanks to Chris' friend Brian, we realized these weren't REALLY the *NSync Boyz- and sure enough, from a steel-cage-triangular-flower-thing in the middle of the metal tower in the middle of the field...rose The Boyz Themselvz, awash in rhinestones and acid-washed denim, lasers flashing, things exploding, girls screaming like stuck pigs. POW! "Hello, good evening, and welcome to our show!"

(Kelly:)
That's another Dureference, fyi.

(Dwanollah:)
And damn, those *NSync kids put on a show. Yeah, it was over the top, and impersonal (under the guise of being semi-personal...but how can you make real contact with ten million people, huh?), even a post-modernly, overly-commercialized pastiche - but it was also wholesome (if slightly naughty) cheesy goodness, too! One thing I can say: those boys never missed or flubbed a single step. I couldn't tell how much was live singing and how much might've been overdubbed pre-recorded vocals, but all five *NSyncers were right on top of everything.

(Kelly:)
Also gleaned from the mag Cyndi gived me, *NSync always do their lead vocals live, always. They occasionally use pre-recorded vocals (of themselves) to "pad" some of the bigger songs and give them texture, but background/backing vocals are the only thing they ever prerecord. I noticed some (prerecorded) background stuff at the show, actually—maybe I had the article fresh in my mind or something.

(Dwanollah:)
They opened, naturally, with "Pop"; in fact, they did a bunch of stuff offa the new album. They did "Gone," complete with a fake black-and-white movie with Justin playing a Charlie Chaplin-like character. They did "Up Against the Wall," with all these backup dancers, and actually had walls that the girls would…um…stick the Boyz to, using, I guess, their special Velcro suits. They did my fave, "The Game is Over," which not only features Pac Man samples, but is, according to the Boyz on some KIIS interview, "a love song inspired by the movie Tron." YEAH! But there were the good old faves, too- f'r'instance, when they did "Space Cowboy" (the "why-yi-y-yi-yippie-yi-yay" song), the Boyz mounted up on these, um, space-age mechanical bulls. We HOWLED! YEEE HAW!

(Kelly:)
Dwanollah's favorite part is when JC does the dry-humpin', ass-slappin' dance to that song. *ducking*

(Dwanollah:)
*scream of pure, unadulterated horror*

(Kelly:)
It was a really well-produced show, very entertaining, and they did a fab job. The kids LOVED it to pieces.

(Dwanollah:)
That they did! Gee whiz! This was like a Vegas Variety Show on Ecstasy!

(Kelly:)
—says the girl who's never done drugs! *laugh*
This girl (who HAS done drugs) disagrees with that description. *snickering*

(Dwanollah:)
Hee! There were special effects for every song… and almost as many costume changes. Oh man... fireworks, smoke bombs, lasers, interactive videos on the big screen, pulley contraptions, things that rose out of the stage, things that descended onto the stage, things that catapulted the Boyz from deep within the stage…And, oh, the Boyz. They bumped. They ground. They humped the stage. They rode bouncy-ball Hoppity-Hop toys around. They spanked backup dancers. They ran here. They climbed there. I guess when the median age of your fanbase is 13 (Kel and myself notwithstanding, mind), you're "pushing the envelope" when there're overtones of sex in your songs and performances. Aw, heck! Go, *NSync! Dance! Dance and sing for all you're worth! WE LOVE YOU! OUR PANTS'RE BUSTIN' FOR *NSYNC!

By the time the Boyz finished up with, natch, "Bye Bye Bye" and made a hasty exit (rushed, we're told by our Sources, immediately to a bus to head for Vegas), the girls in the audience were at a fever pitch, voices strained to the limits, hand-decorated shirts damp, careful hairdos awry, waving their little flashing strobe glowsticks as if they were fluorescent magic wands to re-summon the Boyz for another round of dancing and fireworks.

And thus, we began the slow, careful crawl out of the Rose Bowl... footsore, thirsty, hungry, and still giddily giggling like mad! Dork Twin Powers, activate!

(Kelly:)
Post-show, there were all sorts of folks handing out product samples of this and that at the exit gates. I got a fistful of Mini Chips Ahoy packets, oooooooooh, they were so good.

(Dwanollah:)
Our Bitchen Parking Spot from that afternoon was now part of the Parking Lot From Hell. At first we were afraid we wouldn't find the car, being as we were literally parked on a field of grass (with no parking lot location markers). But we found the car almost immediately and painlessly, started it, pulled out, and...sat. For OVER AN HOUR. Idiot People surrounded us and we just gritted our teeth and waited, trying to call Crissy to tell her we'd be very late to Mel's. (She had Preferred Parking, so she was outta there by the time we reached our car!) People kept honking and honking…as if that would miraculously clear up the traffic jam. Stupids. And we didn't have the Yuppiemobile, so we couldn't listen to CDs, either. At least Loveline was on…

I'll spare you the details of our tedious wait, enclosed by postered minivans and a cacophony of honking. Finally, at like 1:30 or 2 am, we wobbled into Mel's on Sunset, and unfortunately had our worst Mel's experience to date (our only bad Mel's experience, actually): we were seated at a drafty corner table (not a cozy side booth like we prefer), our waiter was a dink, and the food was only mediocre. Still, we chowed, and then went home and fell into bed, exhausted.

I suspect we're getting too damned old for this!

p.s.: But did we mention we had FRONT ROW SEATS???


As a special bonus, check out Dwanollah's Special Album Review of the aforementioned Celebrity....


Go to the *NSync show? Love Boybands? Hate 'em? Whatevah... send Dwanollah an e-mail and tell her how jealous you are of us (BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU ARE! YES! BECAUSE WE HAD FRONT ROW TO *NSYNC AND WE ARE SOOOO RAD AND TARDLY!), and you might find yourself featured here at dwanollah.com... and the recipient of a fabo-keen prize package, no less!


Mad Phat Props to Kelly, my Partner in Dork... and endless thanks to Crissy & Rosie for the FRONT ROW TICKETS TO SEE *NSYNC!

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