More from the Pile of Non-Posted Blathers. A pox on the Slacker
One would think that I have no shame in regards to my musical tastes.
I mean, I'm a Duranie. I've been an a-ha
fan for almost as long. I still am rockin' the Spice Girls flag
in 2004. I'm actually proud of my collections of Parisian café
tunes, Annette Funicello vinyl, or pre-1920s Victrola music. But
when me an' The Husband-Type Man moved, and were forced to sort
through the hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of CDs we own, when we were forced
to plow through the thousands - THOUSANDS! - of mp3s on our computers
to consolidate playlists and prepare an all-new Media Server for
the new pad, I realized that yeah, even Dwanollah's got some guilty
musical pleasures in there.
And when one considers that I feel no guilt about the boybands
or Kylie or
Puffy Ami Yumi, you should,
by all rights, be TERRIFIED of what my standards of "guilty
pleasure" music might be.
Because, yeah, some people claim that they have some embarrassing
things in their musical collections: that one Jennifer Lopez album,
or the Sir Mix-a-lot "Big Butts" song. But really
that isn't all that embarrassing; in fact, it's more like downright
kitschy! Or catchy. Or both. Whatever
it's still acceptable
on some level. At least, to me it is. And then there's the whole
thing about "so bad it's good" music being included in
a ha-ha party song way on movie soundtracks
. As if *I* haven't
been blasting stuff like "I've Been to Paradise, but I've Never
Been to Me" and "Sometimes When We Touch" and "Eye
of the Tiger" and "MacArthur Park" and "Caribbean
Queen" and "Afternoon Delight" and the greater part
of the disco canon and laughing hysterically all the while for DECADES?!
So when I say "embarrassing" or "guilty pleasure,"
you can bet I mean it.
Just to give you an idea, I own more than one Styx CD. And I've
owned 'em since way before that commercial featuring "Mr. Roboto"
began airing. Styx ROCKS! In fact, not too long ago, I had the telly
on Classic VH-1, and they aired the video for "Come Sail Away."
It was a live performance piece, and Dennis DeYoung is sitting there
at the piano just belting out the opening verses
Shaw is sitting playing guitar off to his right, and throughout
the whole song, they just keep glowering and scowling at each other,
and when the video ends, it's on a prolonged shot of them just glaring
total hateful shit at each other. Oh, good stuff! Anyway, usually
when I'm in the mood for Styx, I'm also in the mood for Queen and
Journey... who also ROCK! That's crank-up-the-volume music, y'all
crank it up and yelp along! Just don't force me to choose between
"Separate Ways," "Any Way You Want It," "Killer
Queen" and "Another One Bites The Dust," because
I'd rather choose between my own offspring.
Lord knows I have my share of embarrassing music in my past
seriously embarrassing stuff that had a short shelf-life in my cassette
tape holder. I had an Amy Grant phase in high school. No sooner
did that pass, and then I went through the Kenny G. phase. I have
not one, but TWO Lionel Ritchie albums that I purchased in 8th grade
with my own money at the same time I was buying Duran Duran and
Wham!, because at the time I actually thought "Truly"
and "Hello" were pretty songs. I have a Billy Ocean 45
someplace for the same reason, and, in the darkest recesses of Gramma's
storage shed, there's prolly a Debbie Gibson tape lurking. But those
phases passed, like any other healthy growing-up experience. Like
hot rollers and AquaNet, or Goth.
But too much of the Questionable Music remains in my collection
for me to be smug that I got over the Kenny G. thing (and realized
he IS NOT JAZZ, GAWDDAMMIT!). For instance, to my chagrin, thanks
to a very extensive 80s Playlist of mp3s, I've discovered that one
of my favorite 80s tunes is
"Ya Mo Be There." Yes,
that Michael McDonald/James Ingram song. Freakin' LOVE it. LOVE!
Ditto Billy Squire's "Everybody Wants You" (so imagine
my unadulterated delight when I recently obtained a mash-up of it
with FischerSpooner's "Emerge"). I turn up my nose at
Birmie when she starts
bangin' on about the greatness of Billy Joel, but any musical credibility
or superiority I might have is just flushed down the toilet like
the poo that it is when one considers that I own and listen to a
Kansas album. Because I think "Dust in the Wind" is one
of the GREATEST. SONGS. EVER. I really, really have no room to talk.
I still listen frequently to albums that most people're using for
if they even purchased them at all. I can still listen
to Sting's Nothing like the Sun on repeat. I think Jamiroquois's
music is brilliant. Ditto Terrance Trent D'arby's; is there anything
sexier than "Delicate" or "Dance Little Sister"
Well, not unless it's Chris Isaac! Yeah! Every so often, I feel
the need to break out the Ballad of Hanford,
otherwise known as Paula Cole's "Where Have all the Cowboys
Gone?" The general American public considers swing music a
mid-90s fad inspired by the movie Swingers, but not me
I'm still rockin' the latest Squirrel Nut Zippers albums, as well
as Katharine Whalen's solo stuff, 'cos damn, that's good music.
And since I mentioned the swing music, now might be the time for
me to 'fess that I think one of the bestest swing tunes ever was
a rare and unreleased and non-commercially available composition!
Doesn't that sound like it has potential? Don't get excited
I'm not referring to some hard-to-find Louis Armstrong thing, no.
I'm talking about the theme song for "Gene,
Gene the Dancing Machine" on The Gong Show! Pure