C'est Cheese!






Can you stand it?!

So, once the chaos of the holidays was over and the NYE Snooty Cocktail Party realized, I only had one more Important Thing on my calendar: Hannah, aka "scrnwrt," was in town checking out grad schools, and so, after all these many years of bitching about it via Mediarama, we decided to meet up and take the 90210 Grand Tour!

We weren't alone in our special quest... friends Kel and Goddess Caroline deigned to join us on our journey. Hannah showed up at The Mansion around 9AM. We breakfast'd on my Hot Cocoa from Hell and cinnamon toast before setting forth for the first on our list of sites: Casa Walsh. 

Casa Walsh was the furthest point out, all the way in Alta Dena, so we had plenty of time to listen to the Teen Poo Vol 1 (Boyz!) CD that I'd recently made. I believe Kel and I have futures as backup singers. Truly. And I can only imagine scrnwrt's thoughts at the time: Oh my God... these people are nuts! These people are nuts and I'm locked in a closed car with them on the LA freeways speeding at 80 MPH and there's NO ESCAPE!


We found 1675 E. Alta Dena Drive easily enough... it's waaaay down a long, windy, residential street... a street, mind, that looks NOTHING like Beverly Hills. When we pulled up, there was a gardener parked in front, but he beat a hasty exit as we poured out of the Yuppiemobile with our cameras, giggling and doinging. 

There was no sign of Nosy Mrs. Whoever It Was, the Popcorn King family, or the Fake Flanderses. The house itself also looks different... repainted, with less decoration on the outside. 

After darting back and forth across the street and taking a bunch of pictures, we piled back into the Yuppiemobile, blasted the BSB and N'Sync and FIVE! and 98*, and made our way to Occidental College, otherwise known as California University.

The first thing we noticed upon driving in was the Penis Fountain, surely erected (*rimshot*) in honor of Stevie Sanders and the OPBs. The campus is in the middle of a remodel right now, and a whole bunch of stuff is all torn up, but it's still recognizable. It's funny, though... despite the fact that he was SUCH a campus hot shot, there was no plaque or memorial or anything commemorating Brandon Walsh. So we had to really reach to come up with Hillster Mentions. Being vacation and all as well, there were no big rallies, no fraternity/sorority goings-on, no poetry readings or drama tryouts, or no science lab experiments, either. Bummer.

After CU, it was off to The Valley, my old sort-of stomping grounds. We had a hot date to lunch at Mel's Diner (re-christened "Mel Silver's Diner" for the occasion), but first, we had to stop and see a couple other special places. And then, chow time! No Megaburgers or peach pie, and our flavored Cokes came with plenty of ice, but it was as close to the Peach Pit as we could get. 

Gullets sated, we set off for the Holy Mother of our Quest: the Beach Apartment. It was quite a drive, all the way down to Hermosa Beach. And to make matters worse, 1) traffic and 2) I got turned around and ended up going 35 blocks in the wrong direction. We got it together, though, and as we crested the hill and spied that distinctive blue-and-gray, we all shrieked. The Beach Apartment, aka Dysfunction Junction, is right on the corner of 35th, at 3500 The Strand, and surrounded with a bike/jogging/roller blading trail... extremely accessible. 

It's funny... throughout most of our trip, we kept hoping that no one would see us taking all these pictures of a seemingly random house or college campus. But when we got to the Beach Apartment, we discovered we weren't the only dorks on the face of the earth... there was a couple on roller blades taking turns posing in front of Dysfunction Junction. The guy was nice enough to snap a piccie of me, scrnwrt and Kel together (Goddess Caroline was hiding in the car at this time with the air conditioning. 80 degrees on January 2. I fucking hate Los Angeles...). 

Man, what idjits we were! We got shots from every possible angle, debated digging an "I love Don" in the sand, looked for rainbow wind socks, and basically acted like complete morons. You know, if I lived in the former Dysfunction Junction, I would TOTALLY have a sign in the window for all the dorky 90210 fans who make the trek... you know, a tastefully graffiti'd old 90210 poster, or a notice saying "No, Kelly and Dylan are NOT soulmates!" or something....

By the time we finished, scrnwrt was over 90 minutes late meeting a friend, and I'd used up almost the entire card on the digital camera.  Kel and I had perfected a Sesame Street/Boing Nike routine of "T" "Ard"... "TARD!" "Duh" "Ork" ..."Dork!" Goddess Caroline and scrnwrt, in the back seat, were nearly deaf from the repeated blasting of Boy Bands. All in all, a successful venture, I think.

Thus, I would like heartily thank my Travelin' Companions... and I especially want to congratulate scrnwrt on her Baptism By Fire.

So guys...? When do we hit West Beverly High and Dylan's old house?